Creating a normal life for ourselves once we all get to "return" to life as we knew it. Hopefully it will look fresher with a cleaner implementation, and here's some tips to get started with that.
Having the chance to start over is scary, but exciting. There's an exhilaration that comes with getting to rewrite what was once thought to be written in the stars. Post-Corona worlds look like anything we want. There are things that made us happy that no longer find importance. This is just a starting point, and it's a pleasure to get to share my list of things I am implementing and trying out with you today.
Happy happy Friday everyone. I saw a meme today that said: “ You said you wished the weekend lasted forever, are you happy now?” And it’s a little bit true. I think most of us would wish that an extended “weekend” would actually end up being more like a paid vacation with a job to come back to at the end with someone who has been covering your work all this time. At the very least we can all be consoled by the fact that we are all in the same or very similar situations. We are alone together in this.
I actually have been sitting on notes for this episode for a few weeks. I tried to make sense of them over and over, and I just decided that since this airs tomorrow I should probably just go for it, so I hope that this makes some sense. I want you to listen for something that resonates with you. Something you needed to hear, and if you didn’t hear what you needed, tell me. You can get a hold of me at podcast@theoliverfund.org, message me on social media @ArtofPlayPodcast or find me on Facebook under Art of Play Podcast.
If you do get no other thing from this episode, hear this: YOU make your life. You get to decide how much and of what you partake in, you get to decide how much is too much, and you get to decide what fulfills you. If you don’t know the answer to any of those questions, not to be harsh, but what have you been evaluating all this time? We’ve had numerous weeks at this point with little to do. I get it, not everyone has had that option, but based on the numbers I would say the majority of you had a bit of time to think. At least more time than you ordinarily would. What is it that is missing from your life? What of that is within your control? Go make a list. I’ll wait.
Okay I get it, you probably didn’t make a list, but you should. You definitely should imagine the possibilities of no holds barred, what in the world do you WANT to have in your life, and what does that look like? Want to hear my list? Listen on:
Here are some of the things that I will be changing slash trying out in my life:
Playing WAY more as a family. And I mean WAY MORE. I enjoy my children. I enjoy my husband immensely. All members of my family are happier, we communicate better, we are calmer when we have spent more time together. Plus, summer is coming and summer equals NO MORE HOMESCHOOL. Just putting that out into the great unknown.
Take a chunk of time every week and just experiment with something. This week it was cooking tacos (no pictures so it didn’t happen on social media) and clay sculpting. Next week who knows!
Do less because I SHOULD, and do more of what really LIGHTS ME UP. I have preached this before on here, but it does not mean I am an expert by any means. I have been a “good girl” most of my life. People pleasing is one really great way to get swindled out of experiencing and deciding things for yourself. I don’t have anything controversial that I want to experience so all you listeners that were hoping to take me drinking or skydiving don’t get your hopes up. As I thought about past experiences I can’t help but recount that I have said yes when I meant "no thank you” and I have said “I’ll think about it” When I meant H to the L NO. So quick recap: less SHOULD more HECK YES. And this includes teaching my children how to do this as well.
Spend more time WITH Jared. I mean concerted effort to gaze lovingly into his eyes and actually talk to him, and hopefully more time connecting on all the levels-yup we went there, I will insert for good measure that kind of play is important too. I really like him guys. And that “guys” was just for Jared. He loves it when I use that social media lingo on him. (Sidenote: we discovered the other night that I am in fact a millennial. I seriously thought I was on the edge of that generation and I have decided to just embrace the fact that I will be 34 in a matter of weeks and I am okay with the fact that I didn’t get to pick what generation I am in, but I am happy to contribute to all the older generations AKA Jared who is a “generation” older than me rolling their eyes at my young whippersnappedness). Might I suggest just trying to reconnect with your significant other more than as ships passing in the evening before bedtime.
Lessen my own load on myself. I don’t mean I am planning to hire out all my tasks to someone else, but I mean I am going to be nicer to myself. I am pretty rough sometimes when I feel like life is catching me by my heels, and I have learned that’s not the time to give myself a get-a-grip talk. More compassion, but also, more looking at the root causes. Some of the root causes I am positive is my family of origin dialogue. More of it is just the way I am hardwired because I like to feel as though I am always moving forward. And the remainder of my inner dialogue is probably social conditioning: again, more of what I “Should” be and less of what actually is meant for me. So, being nicer to myself.
Last is: designing everyday. And I don’t mean designing something everyday, I mean planning your day intentionally. This is one that I have already sort of done in the past, but I know that this one works wonders for my mind. This bullet deserves a bit of a backup. A long time ago now (I am getting old remember I told you my age back there) I went to school for interior design and got my degree 10 days before delivering my first son, George. I adore good design. I literally cannot remember not admiring the proportions of houses, well built furnishings, and styling of all sorts. After a few babies I went back to school online for my pre-law degree. I know that seems like a strange transition, but I have always loved reading about the justice system and thought I would like getting a law degree. Turns out, I like learning it, hate the thought of actually practicing being a lawyer, so I switched again and ended up getting an MBA that I finished in 2015. Sometimes I toy around with getting a doctorate, and sometimes I joke about getting one before our children get married so that I outrank Jared on their wedding invitations. Okay, all tangents aside, I love possibilities and learning. Designing everyday is something that I appreciate, because it allows for both possibilities and learning every single day. It is like an active meditation practice that begins everyday with the feeling that you would like to carry with you all day. You literally plan out what is on your calendar with how you want to feel. There are a plethora of methods for doing this, but I can assure you it’s 10-15 minutes of everyday well spent. Google it. Try it. Report back!
And that’s it. I get that this is absolutely not going to resonate with people. I get that this may seem overwhelming to you (especially if you have any children under school age). That’s okay. This is my list, and no one else. There is no requirement for even making a list. But I would encourage you to take a minute and ask yourself if you benefit in your life from the way you lived before quarantine and what of that is no longer necessary for you. Take it back a notch or eliminate.
I took a little (precious little) time to go back through some books about Play over the quarantine and there are so many indicators that we have systematically cut out real play for kids, and we have been doing it progressively more since the 1950s. That means if you’re under the age of 75 you have had less outdoor play, less social play, less imaginative play than any former generations before then. The cut in play has been correlated in research to the rise in anxiety, worry and unease in the state of mind worldwide. This directly relates to pretty much anyone listening right now. This is why I am trying to get the message out into the world to play more. Your body is in a deficit of play, of expression, of practice, to try without needing to be perfect, and failing for the fun of it. Organized sports does not count as play during times of practice and games. It can still be play. Any activity being orchestrated by adults is not considered true play. Outside time that has a task attached is not considered spending free time out of doors. True childhood play is not at all supervised by adults, does not have a set course, and usually when interrupted is disappointing to leave. Play is absorbing, and a scientifically-backed release. Not just for children. For everyone. Adults are much harder to get into a play mode because of we have responsibilities and self imposed requirements on our time and our attention. I think the deficit we are fighting in our lives of always finding continuous streams of activities to capture our attention so we won’t be the ones “left behind” or “left out” stem from not being left to our own devices enough. Not being able to listen to our own inner voice enough. Of not exercising our creativity and imaginations enough, and while we may choose to do some here and there we choose to not engage the sense of fun, play, and adventure only when it’s “appropriate”.
So here, I will just ask you to take this podcast information and think it over. Think it through, share with someone you like and trust and can chat about it with them, and come up with a plan of what you want for your own life. How much time can you just spend entertaining yourself with the things you already have at your disposal? It does not have to be complicated, time consuming, or expensive. It can simply be something to spark a smile that you reignite everyday, until maybe one day the smile won’t leave your face! Thank you for listening this week.
This podcast is fueled by my family’s mission at the Oliver Fund. We send toys to children in hardship all over the world. You can find out more online at TheOliverFund.org or on social media @TheOliverFund and @ArtofPlayPodcast.